A world away

Why is irt that no matter where I go my closest friends always seem like a world away?  Now, given that they are kinda far from each other I don't think they would ever be in the same place anyways.  But still, a girl can dream can't she?  So I have this friend who is literally on the other side of the world.  We have known each other for a little over a year and a half now I think.  I know the exact date that we met and who started the conversation and everything yet (hold your breath) we have never actually met in person.  I don't really have anything against that really, we met randomly but the conversation was a bit of a tough one.  Needless to say we connected fast and we shared a lot about ourselves.  At this point in time I would say that there are only a couple other people who know me as well as her and she says the same thing.  But here comes the catch.  She is going through a really hard time right now and I'm the kind of person who really, really wants to help out my friends.  Now if I had the $2000 to fly over there I would in a heart beat but I'm not going to have that money anytime soon.  Which really sucks.  And of course, since she is going through a lot, she isn't able to talk to me all that often unless she is really desperate and pushes everything away for a few minutes.  What am I to do?  I know she needs to figure all this out on her own and I can't fix anything but she is feeling so alone.  I write to her as much as I can yet I'm not even sure if she has the time to read it or not.  No matter what I do she is always at the back of my mind.  We've both felt the distance between us but right now she is feeling it the most.  It's really hard to read her pm's when I can hear just how torn she is and how much she just wants a friend by her side at that moment.  I do the best I can for her but with the distance it is very limited.  Some day...  Some day...

Books, books, books

I love reading!  I will read just about anything except a textbook, that is the one thing that I have to force myself to do.  But enough about textbooks.  I grew up reading great books introduced to me by my mother.  I figure if she wasn't a reader herself I would have never ventured into the world of mystery, suspense with crazy people popping up here and there.  Until recently I usually stuck with mystery and crime novels and the occasional thriller/scary books.  I love the mystery of trying to figure out who done it.  My mind races with all the possibilities as the pages fly by and then when the moment of suspense arrives to unveil who the culprit was I feel like I just found out the most deep dark secret that the book was holding.  The whole point of the previous pages being to distract and confuse in order to get you to see through the obvious.  Some books are better than others but a mystery is always a good choice.  Lately, however, I have found something new.  Something so powerful and descriptive and captivating that I never thought that a person could write like that.  All the emotions that the characters go through are felt deep down to my core.  The utter devastation of being rejected, the sharp pain of being torn away from someone you love, but also the amazing brilliance of vast landscapes and countries never before seen.  I swear that if I could go to the spot that was described that I could walk the same streets and enter the same building and know exactly where I was going to end up.  Every time the the protagonist is happy so am I, every time they are angry so am I, every time they feel hurt and alone so do I.  I feel like I'm right there in the story with them cheering them on and even wanting to comfort them.  Maybe I spend too much time reading, but if I didn't I would have never found the one story that was so close to my own that it gave me hope.  Stories are just stories, they aren't true and in real life half of the stuff would never happen.  Someday I might have my own story to write but until then I will continue to find new and interesting genres to expand and feed this ever growing need in me.

Observation

Have you ever looked at a flower and wonder just how it came to be so beautiful?  The soft, smooth petals that feel so delicate to the touch you wonder just how they can survive outside in the wind.  The vibrant colors that cannot be compared with any paint that can be bought in stores.  That tiny, itty bitty seed that slowly grows into a strong and bold plant that is ready to take on the world.  It's amazing the things you can find in nature.  So magnificent and mind boggling.  Then you look at people.  There really is no comparison.  People are horrible.  Rotten to the core and selfish as all hell.  I guess not everyone should be lumped into that boat but it's hard not to sometimes.  I include myself in that description as well so don't take offense cause I don't.  I can see clearly those sides of me that can be pretty nasty.  I know others have seen it as well because I've seen it in their faces.  With all the steel and bricks and asphalt out there it's amazing that there are these little pieces of beauty out there.  Whether it is a flower, that funny looking cloud up in the sky, or the look on a little kids face when they are given a new toy.  If it weren't for those little joys I don't know what I would live for.  My life is not my own and that is probably a good thing cause if it were up to me I would have been gone a long time ago.  The world is definitely hard but I've learned to accept that.  My life is like an open book whose insides where torn out.  All you can do is guess what was in the inside and wait for it to hit you in the face.  I think that's quite an apt description.  This blogging thing could be interesting.

So here goes!!

I figured I was going to give blogging a shot.  It seems like late at night all these things goes through me head and I try and write them down but then what do I do with them?  So I have decided to let other join in on the insanity that goes through this little brain of mine and post it for the masses to read.  Who knows, maybe a couple people might like it.  This is going to be random stuff that just pops into my head so be forewarned this might not make any sense. Enjoy!!  :)